In their attempt to assist us on our journey to freedom, mystical traditions teach that the source of human suffering is attachment. The goal is freedom, the obstacle is attachment, and the byproduct of attachment is suffering.
Most of us know what suffering is. We all experience it to some degree or another during our lives. Look around, turn on the news, it’s easy to see… many people in pain. These days it’s almost epidemic. Some is physical, yes, but mostly the pain is emotional. It reminds me of the Beatle’s song, Eleanor Rigby (“Ah, look at all the lonely people…”).
Obvious: challenges such as job loss, divorce, health issues, natural disasters, war.
Subtle: inner turmoil, guilt, fear, shame, and things like Ms. Rigby’s loneliness.
Most suffering, at its core, is a spiritual issue.
We know suffering, but what is this thing called attachment?
Consider that whenever you’re suffering, you’re attached. The bad news: it hurts. The good news: your pain can point you in the direction of wholeness, if you listen. The Universe/God is trying to get our attention to show us the places we need to grow. Unless we are growing intentionally and appropriately, pain is the only means of communication.
What are some of the things we get attached to that cause emotional/spiritual distress? There are an infinite number, but here are a few to give you food for thought. Feel free to add to the list. Note: of themselves, these things are not the problem. It is our attachment to them that is.
Feelings
From a place of serenity, feelings will come and go. We’re human, we are meant to have them. It is our addiction to them that causes our suffering: we don’t just have them, we become them. Look to see if there are any you hold onto for long periods of time (negative), or any you keep trying to recapture (positive).
Negative: guilt, fear, shame, disappointment, concern, chaos, drama, anger, resistance, resentment, resignation, loneliness.
Positive: love, comfort, security, happiness, romance, “high.”
Fears
Yes, it’s a feeling, but look at what this one leads to when we are attached: fear of rejection, criticism, abandonment, failure, sorrow, change, uncertainty, loss, and more. Fill in the blank.
Needs
In a state of serenity, needs are few and far between (imagine that!), and on a scale of 1-10 they don’t go above a four. When in fear, needs are heightened (suffering), and they cause is to act in ways that are unproductive in relationship to others and life (more suffering).
To be right
To be wanted
To have importance (status, superiority, being needed, feeling special)
To control/be in control
For validation (attention, acceptance, approval)
To be comfortable, secure, maintain status quo
Objects
Last but not least, we get attached/addicted to people, places, and things. Some symptoms to look for: fearing the loss of something, having to have something, needing things to be a certain way, chronic upset or anxiety.
People (family, friends, a former love we can’t let go of, current loved one, future loved one)
Things (pets, cars, homes, jobs)
Situations (neg: challenging/abusive relationships, pos: the happiness of the honeymoon phase)
Beliefs (about self, life, God, others)
Whew! That’s a lot to take in. Sorry. But I am here because I want you to know that there is a way out.
What’s the antidote? Detachment! If suffering comes from attachment, then serenity (freedom from suffering) is detachment. I like to say that trying to control people, life, events and outcomes is like being codependent with God. On the other hand, detachment is the ability to flow with the river of life, to accept things as they are, and respond versus react. This only happens from a place of power.
I will explore detachment in my next post. For now, if you’re up for it, I suggest that you practice noticing any suffering you are experiencing/have experienced and the attachments that might be causing it.
To be continued…