PERSONAL POWER is knowing that you have the right to…
- Think what you think
- Feel what you feel
- Want what you want
- Need what you need
- Be who you are
First, you must know, and then you must act on your knowing.
Unfortunately, many of us start our healing journey feeling confused about our reality. This is often because we as children were told that what we thought, felt, wanted, needed, and who we were was bad and wrong. Or, these things were ignored, criticized, and ridiculed. Many of us were told for so long what to think/feel/want/need/be that we never came to know those truths about ourselves for ourselves. Some who did know had to suppress those things in order to survive dysfunctional family dynamics and thus, too, have long forgotten who they are and what they stand for. This is why the path of self-discovery is so important.
Personal Power is not about being able to control other people, events or situations. It is not getting your way by forcing, bullying, dominating, or manipulating. It’s not perfectionism, either. True power is self-certainty and inner authority. It is realizing and knowing what we think/feel/need/want/who we are – first by becoming aware and then by being responsible for making sure they are prioritized. Done well, this results in being respectful, kind, compassionate, and generous with self *and* others.
“If you have power within yourself, you have no need for power over anyone else.” –Bobby Drinnon
“When you have power within yourself you cannot be overpowered by others.” –Patty Farinola
Personal Power is an inner strength that comes from knowing, honoring, and living from who you really are. For example, knowing what you need and asking for it; making a request and having the courage and respect to honor a “No” if you get one, and having the courage to receive a “Yes.” Personal Power understands that being turned down or criticized has nothing to do with you, your lovableness, or your worth. Without that knowing, we take rejection personally, and we make it mean that we are not lovable, worthy, or good enough. Personal Power also understands that we deserve to be heard and have our requests met with respect, whether the answer is yes or no.
Personal Power is self-certainty: having faith in, being comfortable with, who you are, even if you are very different from those around you. When you have that, you can be comfortable with others and their differences. This includes the ability to accept and respect them, even when they have different tastes, values, behaviors, and beliefs, and even when they make choices you do not agree with, or that cause concern. It is the ability to learn from your mistakes rather than beating yourself up for them. And it is an honoring of Self, the spirit within, free from the need for perfectionism and self-criticism.
Personal Power is staying true to yourself whether someone likes you or dislikes you or something about you. This is because you like you and you know you are good enough, lovable just the way you are. When you approve of you, you do not need others to approve of you, even though it is nice when they do.
Also, when you are on a path of growth, you know you are getting better and stronger every day. When we stand in our power, what others think, do, and say does not impact us as it does when we are in a vulnerable, insecure, or a dependent/codependent state. Lack of power makes us need everyone to like/approve of us, or it denies that it cares.
There is a great quote from Codependents Anonymous: “What other people think about me is none of my business.” Meaning, you know you cannot control others’ perceptions, so you do not waste time and energy trying to do so. Meaning, you do your best to BE your best, and what others think is what others think. This is not about giving yourself permission to be a jerk. When you have personal power, aka self-certainty, then generosity, respect, kindness, and compassion are natural expressions. There is no need or desire to be unfriendly with others, nor is there a need to manipulate and control what they think or how they react to you.
Having power means we surround ourselves with loving, supportive, caring, fun, and nurturing people and we don’t worry about or concern ourselves with everyone else. Having personal power means we take compassionate and healthy care of ourselves and others.
The key is to discover your true Self and develop inner authority, what I call Soul Power. Personal power flows from there. On your path to power, here are some questions to consider:
- Do you know what you think, feel, want, and need most of the time? Do you express your thinking/feeling and get your needs/wants met in healthy ways?
- Be sure to address these three levels: physical, mental/emotional, spiritual
- Are you generally compassionate with yourself? Or mostly critical?
- Do you feel comfortable in your skin most of the time? If not, why not?
- On a scale of 1 – 10, how powerful do you feel? (Or, conversely, how insecure?)
- Do you know when you are in your power?
- Do you know when you are trying to dominate, manipulate, control? What are the signs?
- Who do you know who has Soul Power? Personal Power? What do they think, feel, say, or do that tells you this? What qualities describe this power? How do you think they got there?
- What areas in yourself do you need to strengthen? How will you help yourself grow?
- Ex: courage, leadership, integrity, reliability, self-confidence, faith, kindness, generosity
- Are you able to maintain integrity in your life (keep your word, be responsible), or are there things you need to tighten up or messes you need to clean up with yourself or others?
- What are some signs you are giving your power away? Examples:
- Getting triggered, becoming emotionally reactive
- Struggling, fighting, defending, or going numb when faced with difficult people or situations
- Needing/seeking the validation from others, needing to feel special, hustling for approval
- Letting others (including the company you work for) cross boundaries
- Holding onto resentments (a sure sign that boundaries were crossed and needs not met)
- Being conflict-avoidant
- Feeling the need to control
Personal Power is a lower octave of Soul Power. Reaching for one gives you access to the other. As you can imagine, this is a long-term if not life-long process. Investing in yourself brings much wisdom, peace, joy, and love. It takes effort, but it is the greatest gift you can give – to yourself and others.
“No one is free who has not obtained the Empire of himself.” – Pythagoras