I have some questions for you. Do you like to be controlled by other people, manipulated to do or say things you don’t want to do? Does it feel good when someone tries to force you into something that’s not right or welcomed, or bully you into doing things their way?
Of course not.
Bobby Drinnon in Petitioning Reality with Faith says, “If you have power within yourself you have no need for power over anyone else.” (Or anything else, for that matter.)
You may not like being controlled, but are you doing that very thing yourself? Are you expressing inner strength, aka authority, or are you trying to control your world? Beware! We fool ourselves! We think we have authority, but more often than not we’re just controlling.
For example, it might seem as though we are managing our lives and it may appear that things are going well, but we often have to hold on to, manage, or control in some way people, situations, and things to make them/ keep them the way we want. Keeping things under control is not the same as expressing authority. And as you may well know, it is not possible to control indefinitely. Relationships, jobs, life: nothing is supposed to stay the same. Control is guaranteed to create chaos, because things must and do change.
This is what happens in a lot of relationships. We try to control issues/feelings/the other person in order to get along, in order to feel safe and secure, and in order to gain acceptance and approval. At some point we can no longer maintain that, and things explode or fall apart. However, when we come together in our own authority – when I stay balanced and you stay balanced and we as a unit stay balanced – that’s when relationships go well, and that’s when we allow them to do their job: helping us grow our authority by showing us where it’s missing.
The biggest mistake we make in relationships is thinking that they are going to make us happy. Relationships are meant to make us stronger, and it is from that strength (authority)that we gain our greatest happiness.
When we have authority, we are not reactive because we have a sense of self-certainty and are constantly growing, following our evolutionary movement. That’s when life and relationships are the best, and that’s the difference between striving and struggle. Struggle is control. Striving is authority. When we try to control, we have to struggle to maintain that control. Striving is much more than that. It is having strength to stay aligned in the flow of life whether times are good or bad. Striving is thriving, struggling stays stuck.
Authority/Control
A: Sets goal, works to reach it, learns fm experience
C: Forces outcomes, struggles to “win”
A: Strong enough to go with the flow
C: Must have things a certain way
A: Recognizes their impact on others
C: Focused on self (gratification, security, approval)
A: Willing to negotiate
C: Resists, puts up walls
A: Deals directly with issues
C: Avoids, denies, complains, blames
A: Asks respectfully for wants, needs
C: Cajoles, manipulates, intimidates with guilt/anger
A: Able to take calculated risks, step into unknown
C: Stays stuck, uses excuses to not move forward
A: Balanced and centered in any circumstance
C: Reactive
When you travel, the scenery does not stay the same along the way, does it? Control says “I like the the woods. I only want woods, I want them to be this way all the time.” That’s not moving forward. At some point you get tired of looking at the woods, or the woods get tired of looking at you. Then chaos ensues because you have not been moving forward and life has to step in to get you going.
Authority is the strength and freedom, even when difficulties occur, to keep moving forward and keep growing. And that is my Christmas wish for you!